Hilary Duff in a bikini

Here's Hilary Duff on vacation in Hawaii yesterday, and maybe it's just the shoulders, but I have to ask, when did she stop caring?




I'm not saying Hilary looks bad, but when Britney Spears looks more toned than you, that's usually a sign to hit the gym. Or start FedEx-ing her Big Macs so you look better by comparison. Either one.


Ok, don't get me wrong, I'm never going to say no to a hot celebrity in a bikini. Ain't going to happen. Someone comes up to me and says, "Alex, would you like one of those," I don't hesitate, not even a "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Not my style. So when someone sent me Hilary Duff bikini photos from Hawaii, I got excited...then less excited. They're just so boring. Yes she's hot, yes it's tiny, yes she's in the water, but I'm letting out one long bored yawn. There's zero excitement coming from her. Even the ones where she's trying to smile, Hilary looks like she's in pain. Also, with her black bathing suit and black sunglasses, I'm pretty sure she's attending a beachside funeral. That's it, this is the death of fun and she in mourning. That's the only explanation for why these bikini shots suck so much. Boo to you, Hilary Duff and your depressing teasing ways.


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Olivia Munn is Topless...Sorta

I'm casting my vote for Olivia Munn as hottest geek alive. As the host of G4's Attack of the Show, she constantly talks about video games, dresses up in geek-fantasy costumes and was given a role in Iron Man2 because of it. Now, her photos of the July/August 2009 issue of Playboy have been released, and they're awesome... or as awesome as non-nude Playboy photos can be.




Still, this is a blow for geeks everywhere - if she can be a sex symbol and still know the different between Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man, than so can you! ... But keep your shirt on until that moment, really, no one wants to see that now.



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Kardashian Bikini Time

Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian (the later who we have never talked about, surprisingly) were in Florida over the weekend, and did what they do best - nothing. The fat Kardashian and the short Kardashian put on bikinis, went to the beach, and gave everyone the privilege of looking at them. My favorite pic is the one with the dude holding the umbrella, because heaven forbid the girls get sun while wearing bathing suits at a beach. Also, here's a fun fact: that dude makes $95,000 a year. Thanks Kardashians, as always, you've made our world a better place.


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Megan Fox is the dumbest celebrity ever ?

The Daily Mail has a very funny and very sad story today. The title of this masterpiece of modern journalism is “Hollywood stars say the silliest things: She may be a movie beauty, but is Megan Fox the DUMBEST star ever?” As you can imagine, someone at The Mail was as flabbergasted as we were when reading some of the ridiculous interviews Megan Fox has given over the past few months. So they decided to put together all of Megan’s dumb quotes in one epically terrible article.

I have to admit, some of these quotes are new to me. Probably because Megan gives about twenty bajillion interviews a week, and she loves to talk about how beautiful, cool, edgy, gross, sexy, dark and hardcore she is, and sometimes some of her gems are lost to us. I’d like to thank The Mail for doing us this great service:

Megan Fox has amazed fans with her ignorance as she travels the world promoting her movies with red-carpet comments and magazine interviews.

She’s quite happy to discuss drugs, sex and even flatulence but take this example of her discussing her ‘Brian’ tattoo - dedicated to on/off boyfriend Brian Austin Green. She said: ‘I wouldn’t regret the tattoo if we weren’t together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options.’

MailOnline has trawled through two years of clangers to provide an insight into her ‘wisdom’.

During a recent interview with American magazine Entertainment Weekly, Megan questioned her mental health, saying: ‘I think that I’m so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.’

Among her more controversial comments is her call to legalise cannabis. She told British GQ: ‘I hope they legalise it and when they do I’ll be the first f***ing person in line to buy my pack of joints. People look at it like it’s this crazy, hippy, f***ed-up thing to do. And it’s not. I hope they legalise it.’

She told FHM last year: ‘I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women slags, which is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who’ve said, “You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!” That’s because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them.’

Megan makes no attempt to hide she is aware of her good looks, declaring: ‘Well, I’m clearly not ugly.’

She also told the June issue of Elle: ‘I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.’

She told Esquire: ‘I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson, who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve ever learned to prove, like, “Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.”‘

Moving from Scarlett to Britney Spears, Megan admitted she felt sorry for the singer. She said: ‘I used to sit back and think, “Please, Britney Spears has the best life ever - she has everything she could ever want!” But she has one of the worst lives. Her life is a living f***ing nightmare. I have panic attacks thinking about her life.’

In the Entertainment Weekly interview, Megan criticises her performance in the first Transformers movie - despite the fact she is supposed to be promoting the sequel. She said: ‘I’m terrible in it. It’s my first real movie and it’s not honest and not realistic… Unless you’re a seasoned veteran, working with Michael Bay is not about an acting experience.’

Discussing a possible third Transformer movie, she counters: ‘I can’t s**t on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s a*s. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting.’

Further disparaging her industry, Megan told GQ: ‘When you think about it, we actors are kind of prostitutes. We get paid to feign attraction and love. Other people are paying to watch us kissing someone, touching someone, doing things people in a normal monogamous relationship would never do with anyone who’s not their partner. It’s really kind of gross.’

Two years ago, Megan offered up too much information she revealed her questionable hygiene habits. She told FHM: ‘I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, “Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.”‘

At the Golden Globes in January, a brutally honest Megan told a E! News reporter exactly how insecure she was sharing the red carpet with A-listers like Kate Winslet, Jennifer Lopez, Angelina Jolie and Cameron Diaz. She said: ‘I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared.’

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Megan Fox hates America

While Megan Fox flaunted her stupid awesome breasts during the international tour for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, she apparently decided to shit all over the American flag by wearing some sort of toga at the LA premiere last night.




At this point, my heart goes out to the lone soldier who bravely completes his mission so we can live in a country where Megan Fox's cleavage sells tickets to a movie about GM vehicles beating the fuck out of each other. You will not die in vain, sir! Not on my watch. Get Michael Bay on the line.



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Denise Richards in a bikini

Here's Denise Richards in Maui with her kids this morning. Anyone else get the feeling her daughters live in perpetual fear of getting doused with hot coffee because mommy can't focus on the camera and hold a cup at the same time? I'm also pretty sure they're the only preschoolers who know to pop a Xanax when Denise gets a call on the road. "Aw, shit, it's her agent. Helmets, everyone!"


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Chris Brown ducks jail time in plea deal

Chris Brown avoided jail time today after pleading guilty to the felony assault of Rihanna on February 8. She was at the courthouse to testify if the plea deal wasn't accepted. CNN reports:

Under terms of the agreement, Brown will serve five years of probation and complete 180 days of community service.
Los Angeles Criminal Court Judge Patricia Schnegg said Brown could apply to have his supervised probation transferred to Virginia, where he maintains his legal residence. He also can complete his community service there, she said, but it would have to meet the court's standards.
"I want Mr. Brown treated as any other defendant who comes to this court," Schnegg said.
Brown must also undergo domestic violence counseling, she said. But the judge noted he has no prior criminal record.

Well, now that this debacle is officially over, the important thing to remember is at least the message wasn't sent to Chris Brown's young fans that it's okay to beat your girlfriend because you probably won't go to jail the first time.

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