Heidi Montag is doing Playboy

Heidi Montag is posing for the September issue of Playboy, according to People. I don't want to say this is the only useful thing she'll ever do because I hate stating the painfully obvious. On a related note, finally the world will have something to ward off Spencer Pratt with: Naked pictures of his wife.


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Chanelle Hayes in a bikini

Here's 21-year-old British model/singer Chanelle Hayes relaxing in Puerto Banus today. I'm posting these pics because, with everyone getting a divorce and breaking up lately, I wanted you guys to know that my love for women in bikinis will remain steadfast and true. Shh. It's alright. There, there. There, there.


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Chantelle Houghton in a bikini

Here's British reality star Chantelle Houghton in France today. Honestly, I've never heard of this woman before, but believe it or not, I'm familiar with bikinis. No, really, I wouldn't lie to you. Unless we were married then it'd be an almost daily occurrence.

WIFE: Honey, what are you doing?
ME: Eating a sandwich.
WIFE: But you're standing in the garage naked with a chainsaw.
ME: .... We ran out of mustard.

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Heather Graham goes braless in London

Heather Graham opted to go braless at the UK premiere of The Hangover today, and whoever said she has horrible, saggy breasts without a pushup bra owes her an apology. Also, they should probably kill themselves for bringing shame to this site. I run a respectable business here once you get past all the vaginas, profanity and that time I tried to see if my words could impregnate a woman. Which reminds me, I still want a DNA test.


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Megan Fox does South Korea

Here's Megan Fox promoting the Transformers sequel in South Korea yesterday. If Dreamworks really wanted to score a publicity goldmine, they should've sent her into North Korea. Tell me Megan Fox couldn't have easily disarmed Kim Jong Il. I don't even own weapons, and I already want to whisper the location of my sharpest butter knife.


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Britney Spears officially dating her agent

Britney Spears and her agent Jason Trawick are officially dating, according to People:

Confirming Internet rumors, a source tells PEOPLE that Spears, 27, is romantically involved with her agent, Jason Trawick. "They are totally and definitely dating," the source says. "Her dad loves him. He's the best thing that happened to her."
"They're very sweet together," the source says, adding that Spears "always had a crush" on Trawick, who is also one of her brother Bryan's best friends. "He makes Britney really happy, and he's great with the boys."

Who has front row seats to the Britney Crazyfest and then says to themselves, "I'd have intercourse with that"? Besides any man with a functioning penis, access to grain alcohol and 5-10 minutes to kill.

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NY Loves Jessica's Cleavage

Remember those rumors a while back about how fat Jessica Simpson was? I sure don't, not when she's walking around New York with the best damn push-up bra ever. Not that I could confirm anything even if she was chunky, my eyes are permanently glued to her upper region. There may be some fat below those puppies, but I just. can't. seem. to. look. down. Sorry guys. I wish I could do my journalist duty and report all the facts, but I'm going to have to take a pass on this one. If you're so interested, you take your eyes away and look at the rest of her body. Yeah, didn't think so.


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